paper fiction

It is true. I won’t be able to write the book that resides my heart. I spend so much time dreaming about writing that I failed to initiate the first line. To begin with, I don’t know where to start. I hope in my wildest imagination to produce a fantasy but at the same time to write something profound, spiritually profound. But for each time I tried I end up appearing a fool whose immature thoughts shot back at each other like reversed bullets.

I love books and so want to make one that as each word unfolds the story; I create a world that is completely unique and unbelievable. But the readers push on to the final chapter, the last word and the ultimate closing to find out if this strange world exists. They will be disappointed because the world that I write about is the world we live in and it is not the special somewhere-out-there-planet that promises joy and happiness. In every situation, whether it is a daunting issue or a nagging conflict, there is no happy ending and a finite solution. There are only choices, awareness and incessant sacrifices to be made. This is the world we dwell and it only seems new and weird to most because we never dare to venture beyond the black and white and our pursuit of happiness.

With all of these crazy thoughts crooning in my mind, I never did go pass the philosophy of ideas to craft a story. And neither is the philosophy intelligent and convincing enough to stand as a book.

How shall one proceed? I am not seeking for formulas and won’t fall prey to tips on quick-success. There are no shortcuts and the only tip workable is to keep writing. Once upon a time I searched everywhere for muses. Inspiration! True inspiration is not a form. It does not come in the form of a person or represented in music. But it is the substance, the content and the experience that gives birth to a magical moment, which triggers the imagination. The listening to a particular piece of music brings about the surge of ideas. When I start to depend on the music, as if the music is a separate object from the experience, I no longer feel inspired. I feel bored and devastated.

It is time to start…